Everyone has experienced anger. It ranges from feeling annoyed all the way to full-blown rage. While anger is normal, problems occur when we don’t know what to do to express this powerful emotion. As we have all seen, anger can turn into aggression. Particularly in the case of parents, that aggression can lead to physical and psychological abuse of our kids. On the other hand, anger that is not addressed but rather held in can lead to a whole host of physical problems, ranging from increased risk of hypertension, to musculoskeletal problems, stomach problems and even depression.
So here are the three Rs of dealing with you anger. Like many of my tips, these are simply common sense. But they work and they may mean the difference between experiencing a normal emotion like anger and doing something you will regret.
The 3 R’s Of Dealing With Anger - Relax, Rethink, Redirect
1. Relax- probably the last thing you want to hear when you are very angry and irritated. But it is critical that you slow your body down to slow down the anger response. The simplest thing you can do that really works is to take some slow deep breaths when you feel yourself getting angry. This will slow your heart rate and blood pressure, relax your muscles and slow the anger response down. You can also tell yourself something like, “just relax”, or “easy now” or “cool it”. These are simple actions that can make a big difference.
2. Rethink- you need to rethink the problem that is making you angry. You can’t rethink if you are at your wits end with anger, so relaxing first is essential. Rethinking simply means coming up with another explanation for the problem that may not cause you so much anger. So for example, when my four year old is tired or hungry she frequently has what I call a “meltdown” cries and screams, won’t talk, is inconsolable. I tend to get a bit annoyed. One thing I try to tell myself is that she is not doing this to make me angry she is simply either tired or hungry. Reminding myself of this helps me focus on what to do versus just being angry.
3. Redirect- once you have are composed and you can start to think about things a bit differently, take all that emotional energy that comes with the anger and do something positive with it. Try to solve the problem. If the problem can’t be solved, take out your anger in a productive way. Exercise is a good release. Let that emotional energy drive you to run, lift weights etc. The bottom line is this, Not all problems solvable. Anger is going to come and go. You need to direct your anger towards something other than your children, family and friends.
So it comes down to 3 things- relax, rethink, and redirect. What we do with the anger and how we manage it is the most important thing. First try these strategies out when you are a little bit annoyed or irritated. Get good at them. Then it will be easier to apply them in the real tough situations.
*The information contained in these articles is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Always ask your physician or other qualified health professional about any matter concerning your individual health. Always seek the advice of your physician prior to starting or changing any medical treatment. Nothing contained in these answers is intended for medical diagnoses or treatment purposes.